Choosing Friends Who Lift You Up

It’s another great evening at the dojo. While the students warm up I walk around and talk to the parents to see how their kids are doing at home and school. I check in with everyone, even the ones whose kids always do great. Usually it’s just a thumbs up, and I move on.

That’s how it is with Sophia, a standout blue belt who’s been training here for over three years. At just eleven, she’s the kind of kid every parent and instructor dreams of, disciplined, always on task, helpful, and respectful.

But on this day, as I chatted with her mom in the waiting area, something felt off. I asked, “How’s Sophia doing these days?” Instead of the usual enthusiastic nod and glowing stories, I got a hesitant “okay…” That stopped me in my tracks, not what I was expecting, so I asked if we could talk after class. Mom nodded and said, “Yes, thank you!”

Class went smoothly and Sophia worked hard as usual, confident, focused, and precise. Nothing showed that anything was wrong. After class, she and her mom came to my office for a quick chat.

Turns out my hunch was right. Lately, Sophia had been hanging out with a new group of kids at school. They weren’t “bad” kids, not at all, just growing up in different environments, with habits that didn’t line up with the values Sophia had been building.

Maybe it was skipping homework to scroll on phones or tablets, or talking back to teachers in ways that seemed cool at the moment. Whatever it was, those attitudes were starting to stick. Mom noticed the little shifts: a bit more sass at home, less enthusiasm for chores, even the way she replied sometimes. “It’s like she’s picking up these habits without realizing it,” her mom said, looking down in disappointment.

I turned to Sophia and shared a principle I’ve lived by and teach often: “We become the average of the five people we spend the most time with.” It’s not about judging others, everyone has their own journey, but about seeing how our associations shape us. Hang out with friends who procrastinate and complain, and suddenly that’s you too. Surround yourself with positive, driven people, and you’ll start doing things you never thought possible.

It doesn’t mean ditching friends or family, but choosing who you spend most time with. Pick people who inspire you to be your best, ones with similar goals. The dojo is a great place to start, no one’s perfect, but most of us here are trying to improve and become a better version of ourselves.

But this isn’t just for kids. As adults, our “five people” might be colleagues, neighbors, family, or even online groups. They influence our habits, our mindset, and our path. In a world full of distractions, choosing wisely can turn pitfalls into stepping stones to a brighter future.

If you’re looking to surround yourself or your child with a community that uplifts, come visit us at Colorado Karate Club. Who knows? It might just be the association that changes everything.

Sensei Willy Strohmeier